she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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