I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
