Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
