He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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