Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
