RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize