it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
