this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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