i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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