Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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