How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
