Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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