Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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