they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
