either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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