I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
