Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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