i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
