yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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