got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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