she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
