i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
