Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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