I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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