You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize