mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
are you so shy because you have an std?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Pooping to opera.
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