I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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