Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
