Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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