Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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