I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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