you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
