We named our party play list daddy issues
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
