That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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