i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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