were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
