I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
