Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
