Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
