So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
