You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
