I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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