I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
