oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
