dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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