there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
