im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize