The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
