brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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