someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
