there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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