I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
