He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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