ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize