no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize