I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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