Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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