i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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