LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I touched a dick in church today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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