we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
