I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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