So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
