after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
