At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
