You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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