hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
