if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
