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I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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