He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
