I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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