remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
