I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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