i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
