Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
then he tried to convert me to islam
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
be right there i have to get my cape
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
