it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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