She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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