I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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